Amazing!! So after reading Denset's comment about using apps, I called xbox support to ask some questions. Knowing that they can't do anything about any problems on 343's end, obviously.
The guy took one look at my account, had me remove myself as a user on xbox, hold the button down to turn the system off. Then had me log into my account and make sure that BOTH my email and phone number were set to "can receive notifications," then turn the system back on, re-add my account, and within 5 seconds of starting up the game again, the game started syncing and updating and now I can play. So it wasn't anything on 343's end that was causing my new problems at all. It was the settings in my account for receiving notifications. So if you're like me and haven't been able to matchmake at all and have only been getting SEARCHING...... and nothing else, remove yourself as a user, hard-turn-off your xbox one, go into your advanced settings on your account on the live site, make sure both email and phone say that they can receive notifications, and then turn your system back on, add your account again, turn on the game, and it will start syncing. Xbox says that this has happened to many people this week where during some sort of update or syncing, the game just doesn't recognize you if your settings aren't set properly.