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Halo Community Writing Contest 2

OP Flugel Meister

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Hi Folks, here are the results for the 2nd competition.

  • 1st: Ran and shai
A clear winner. And you edited the shift in perspective before the closing date. That was going to be the only point against the entry. Nice and short, straightforward and to the point. You set the scene, the characters and the underpinning subtext of the invasion. Nothing is gratuitous here. And, more importantly, you make it matter. Well done. If I had to nitpick it would be the quite precise description of sizzling projectiles. I would have described the noise and left it that. But a great entry nonetheless.

  • 2nd: ML526
I found this story oddly entertaining. It starts with a statement, which is good, and continues to keep the story moving with a mix of dialogue, exposition a little bit of description – too little for my liking. But there is a fair bit of telling here, but you’ve managed to break it up with other elements and keep the story moving. Clunky in parts, but promising.

Unfortunately, the other submissions didn’t convince me to award third place. There was an abundance of tell and not show, which isn’t good for story writing. But don’t worry, these competitions are here to help you progress as a writer.

In no particular order here are my critiques for the other entries:

  • NIC 020
You must remember to break up your entry with spaced paragraphs. The format may have previously been indented for each paragraph, but Waypoint doesn’t allow you to do that, so spacing it is best here. You start with a frenzied rush to escape but then regress into the father’s life story of what he wanted to do. The other issue is that only the dog has a name and the parents’ change from mom-mom and pop-pop to Mom and Dad. Choose one and stick with it. You must be consistent. Again, a lot of telling and little showing.

  • PainfulOrb15
This seems to a reoccurring thing for the second contest, show and tell. In writing a story or a novel, you should always strive to show more than you tell. And unfortunately you do a lot of telling. The soldier in the first paragraph, for example, isn’t described to me other than being a ‘bloodied soldier’. That would have been a great way to introduce the Heather as she watches the soldier slowly bleed to death. It would be harrowing as she sees the life drain out of him, instead of reflecting on previous events with her mother. The opening itself needs to be bolder. You were sort of on track in doing that, but got lost in the realm of telling me everything instead of describing the environment and the soldier to me, so I can picture him in my head. But be careful not to flood the reader with description. Add dialogue and weave it with exposition and description. Keep at it.

  • P1ay4OURFUN
Sadly, this entry falls outside the criteria. No Spartan perspectives were to be used during this contest, in order to avoid participants falling into the trap of clichéd and trope-centered writing. For future contests, ensure you fully read and understand the contest criteria.

  • RuthlessSkate94
Like the story before, this one also falls into the quagmire of trying to accurately convey what a young child thinks and says during a Covenant invasion. Try to remember that teenagers and adults alike will read this, so it should be perceived as a child’s viewpoint and yet retain enough coherent language and description to make it easy to read, understand and enjoy. A good effort, though. You should also use a new paragraph for when another person speaks.

  • LoneSkyWolf
When writing from a child’s perspective you have to realise that how a child thinks and speaks doesn’t always work in a novel or story. In fact, how people speak in published work isn’t the same as how people genuinely talk to each other. The tone and language used here is a bit too childish to make it consistent and it’s almost abstract throughout. At times it becomes incoherent, Most of all, though, it tells the whole story instead of showing. Additionally, the opening could be bolder, more decisive. Keep at it.

  • SpitFlame
The best way to open a story is to start with something that will immediately grip the reader, which means they won’t want to put your story down. The problem here is you open with a slight contradiction and then describe something that seems fairly ordinary. The time of day is problematic because the suggested timing is typically juxtaposed. Morning and evening. Decide beforehand which it is. I’d have put the timing closer together, such as late afternoon or early evening. And then he goes to fetch water. Be bold, draw the reader in and keep them there. The best openings are ones that make a bold statement, inviting you in via curiosity or the sheer boldness of the statement. The opening to The Martian does that superbly as does The Great Gatsby. Again, the story here does a lot of telling and little in the way of showing. Give your reader the opportunity to explore and interpret what’s going on. Keep at it!

  • Sp00kyM0nk
The main problem with this story is there’s a lot of tell and very little show. Stories do well when you set the scene and leave some interpretation for the reader to decide over. If you tell them everything that’s going on it’s much harder for the reader to enjoy it, because instead of wandering along a path the reader is being dragged along by the hand, with everything being pointed out to them. Don’t be afraid to leave some of the material up to the reader. Readers tend to be smart and will notice elements that aren’t entirely obvious. But let them discover it instead of it being pointed out like an excited schoolboy. The story itself is an interesting concept, but is sadly let down by the repeated telling of events. Good effort, though.
What does the please pin mean? Just want to know before the copy pasting my story.
JohannDB wrote:
What does the please pin mean? Just want to know before the copy pasting my story.
It's for the moderators -- to pin the thread in the forum.
EDIT:Took a storywriting course recently.I will re-write the entire story.

Title:(I can't think of a title)

"Hey Y'all"! Tim shouted exitedly."How was your school break",asked Niq.Right after he said that,they heard a ear-splirring scream."We are getting attacked"! A man shouted.The kids looked up and saw what they thought were UNSC spaceships.Bit they will soon discover that those were totally unimaginable for the young 8 year olds...

Soon the ships deployed their scarabs and banshees.One of the banshees zoomed passed the school and fired a fuel rod at a train track hits it and destroys it.The teachers scrambled to evacuate the students through the chaos.to the port which leads out to the ocean.Suddenly,a scarab comes into sight and fires a shot at the teachers and students.Niq exitedly ran towards the shot.Ms.Larrie,a teacher ran towards him.But it was too late.There was a huge green explosiom.Everyone knew they were both dead,in fact vaporised.Tim burst into tears.He lost 2 friends and couldn't face the fact.

He ran to a dark alley as he could not control his feelings.That move actually saved the group asbthey all ran to him and barely escaped death by a banshee fuel rod gun.
Then,they encountered a Jiralhanae cheiftan accompanied by 3 other Jiralhanae.The cheiftan ordered an attack.The plasma rounds hit most of the group.The rest followed Tim and ran but they were not fast enough.The cheiftan fired a fuel rod shot at them.They all were knocked to the ground severely injured.Tim was losing lots of blood.The last thing he saw was a Jiralhanae pointing his plasma rifle at him.

Hope you like it.And use this instead of the old one.
Am I the only one who posted a story?
JohannDB wrote:
Am I the only one who posted a story?
So far, yeah. I am still working on mine.
Hide and Seek

Mother seemed different. There were tears in her eyes, a sadness that reminded me of the day Father died. And yet, all she was trying to do was calm me, deny me the right to share her fear. Make me feel like everything's okay.

"Come here, Tommy, come here." she said with a smile, a fake smile.

Outside, I could hear a storm brewing- the sound of constant, explosive thunder, the screams of terrified men and women, and something else- a humming.

"What's happening, Mom?" I asked her. I wanted her to tell the truth.

"Can you hear those sounds outside?" she asked. The tears were running down her cheeks.

"The storm?"

"No. Not a storm. Those are fireworks. They're holding a big festival." she told me. I was immediately excited.

"Can we see? Can we go?" I asked her, jumping.

"No, Tom. We can't go." she said.

"Is that why you're sad?" At first Mother seemed surprised, perhaps because I managed to see through her deceptive smile. Because her lie was showing cracks.

The humming sound again, this time closer. I heard windows shattering, a scream, the sound of projectiles sizzling through the air, striking against a wall, burning it- melting it. "Listen to me, Tom. We're going to play a game now. Hide and Seek. Do you remember the rules?"

"One has to hide, the other has to find them. And if he finds them the hider needs to run away and never get caught." I yelled proudly.

Mom nodded, again smiling in between her tears. "Can I be the seeker?" I asked. "I want to be the seeker!"

"Not today," Mother told me. A darkness ran across her face. Again, I was reminded of the day the soldiers knocked on our door. That day, mother sent me away to my room. I could hear her yelling at them. Them trying to soothe her. And when they were gone, I approached her and found her weeping. Just like now.

"Who's the seeker, then, Mom?" I asked, confused.

"We don't know. It's a surprise." she told me. "Quickly, we have to start. We have to hide."

I began running, forgetting for a moment that Mother was hiding something. I loved games, and most of all I loved winning. "Are you coming, Mom?" I called out. She was sitting at the kitchen table, holding a knife.

"Soon." she told me. "You go on, hurry up. Don't worry about your mother." She was smiling again, that deceptive, sad smile. I was worried, but first- the game.

I sprinted across the house, reaching the darkened pantry. Quickly, I removed a row of boxes and crawled into the shelf- replacing them in front of me. No one would see me, and now I had to be silent.

The Seekers came only two minutes later- inhumanly tall, muscled silhouettes, hairy all over. I had to hold my mouth not to laugh at how ugly they were. There were two of them, and when they passed in front of the pantry door- deformed monstrosities, I stopped breathing. They were both holding something curvy and red. For a moment, I was sure I was caught- but then they walked on.

I stayed in silence, hearing their heavy, muffled footsteps. They were heading for the kitchen. One of them laughed and said something in words I couldn't understand. "Come here, -Yoink-!" Mother yelled back. She grunted, and then I heard that burning sizzle again. She screamed. Silence.

Mother was found.

Outside, the fireworks of a great festival were making the very city shudder and quake.

598 words...
Hide and Seek

Mother seemed different. There were tears in her eyes, a sadness that reminded me of the day Father died. And yet, all she was trying to do was calm me, deny me the right to share her fear. Make me feel like everything's okay.

"Come here, Tommy, come here." she said with a smile, a fake smile.

Outside, I could hear a storm brewing- the sound of constant, explosive thunder, the screams of terrified men and women, and something else- a humming.

"What's happening, Mom?" I asked her. I wanted her to tell the truth.

"Can you hear those sounds outside?" she asked. The tears were tunning down her cheeks.

"The storm?"

"No. Not a storm. Those are fireworks. They're holding a big festival." she told me. I was immediately excited.

"Can we see? Can we go?" I asked her, jumping.

"No, Tom. We can't go." she said.

"Is that why you're sad?" At first Mother seemed surprised, perhaps because I managed to see through her deceptive smile. Because her lie was showing cracks.

The humming sound again, this time closer. I heard windows shattering, a scream, the sound of projectiles sizzling through the air, striking against the wall, burning it- melting it. "Listen to me, Tom. We're going to play a game now. Hide and Seek. Do you remember the rules?"

"One has to hide, the other has to find them. And if he finds them the hiders needs to run away and never get caught." I yelled proudly.

Mom nodded, again smiling in between her tears. "Can I be the seeker?" I asked. "I want to be the seeker!"

"Not today," Mother told me. A darkness ran across her face. Again, he was reminded of the day the soldiers knocked on their door. That day, mother sent him away to his room. He could hear her yelling at them. Them trying to soothe her. And when they were gone, I approached her and found her crying. Just like now.

"Who's the seeker, then, Mom?" I asked, confused.

"We don't know. It's a surprise." she told me. "Quickly, we have to start. We have to hide."

I began running, forgetting for a moment that Mother was hiding something. I loved games, and most of all I loved winning. "Are you coming, Mom?" I called out. She was sitting at the kitchen table, holding a knife.

"Soon." she told me. "You go on, hurry up. Don't worry about your mother." She was smiling again, that deceptive, sad smile. I was worried, but first- the game.

I sprinted across the house, reaching the darkened pantry. Quickly, I removed a row of boxes and crawled into the shelf- replacing them in front of me. No one would see me, and now I had to be silent.

The Seekers came only two minutes later- inhumanly tall, muscled silhouettes, hairy all over. I had to hold my mouth not to laugh at how ugly they were. There were two of them, and when they passed in front of the pantry door- deformed monstrosities, I stopped breathing. They were both holding something curvy and red. For a moment, I was sure I was caught- but then they walked on.

I stayed in silence, hearing their heavy, muffled footsteps. They were heading for the kitchen. One of them laughed and said something in words I couldn't understand. "Come here, -Yoink-!" Mother yelled back. She grunted, and then I heard that burning sizzle again. She screamed. Silence.

Mother was found.

Outside, the fireworks of a great festival were making the very city shudder and quake.

598 words...
I almost cried while reading this
Halo: Upheavel

"It's a new day..."

Darkness obliged it's victims. Territory for one, the lights of it mixed me commotionaly. I don't know much, but the evil stared at me like a broken willow. Only for me to find i was nothing but a piece of neglected yellow. Plagued without doubt, the world had fallen short of stay. Mom, im sorry. Nothing this way has to fall like an owned prey. The way i see this, its was not doomsday, but i believe it it was nothing even war could say. Evicted upon our own action, i only could pray that god set the futured way. I am not a poet of this madness, but i am the defining tray. In abroad, note that this was only just a beginning, monsters of slay, bad guys with nothing but hate. Believe as with all the light of this universe, at the end of the day we are all but the same. Trembled but undone, heart is all feelings this way. Morning of hell, as all really just a childs pawn of play. New dawns come and go, but we are all upheavel and gray. Our heart has before already began without evil. Believe and love without plague.
itZ Venial wrote:
Halo: Upheavel

"It's a new day..."

Darkness obliged it's victims. Territory for one, the lights of it mixed me commotionaly. I don't know much, but the evil stared at me like a broken willow. Only for me to find i was nothing but a piece of neglected yellow. Plagued without doubt, the world had fallen short of stay. Mom, im sorry. Nothing this way has to fall like an owned prey. The way i see this, its was not doomsday, but i believe it it was nothing even war could say. Evicted upon our own action, i only could pray that god set the futured way. I am not a poet of this madness, but i am the defining tray. In abroad, note that this was only just a beginning, monsters of slay, bad guys with nothing but hate. Believe as with all the light of this universe, at the end of the day we are all but the same. Trembled but undone, heart is all feelings this way. Morning of hell, as all really just a childs pawn of play. New dawns come and go, but we are all upheavel and gray. Our heart has before already began without evil. Believe and love without plague.
This doesn't read like a Child's point of view. I'd suggest thoroughly reading the contest criteria and having another crack at it. This seems like it was written before the competition.
itZ Venial wrote:
Halo: Upheavel

"It's a new day..."

Darkness obliged it's victims. Territory for one, the lights of it mixed me commotionaly. I don't know much, but the evil stared at me like a broken willow. Only for me to find i was nothing but a piece of neglected yellow. Plagued without doubt, the world had fallen short of stay. Mom, im sorry. Nothing this way has to fall like an owned prey. The way i see this, its was not doomsday, but i believe it it was nothing even war could say. Evicted upon our own action, i only could pray that god set the futured way. I am not a poet of this madness, but i am the defining tray. In abroad, note that this was only just a beginning, monsters of slay, bad guys with nothing but hate. Believe as with all the light of this universe, at the end of the day we are all but the same. Trembled but undone, heart is all feelings this way. Morning of hell, as all really just a childs pawn of play. New dawns come and go, but we are all upheavel and gray. Our heart has before already began without evil. Believe and love without plague.
This doesn't read like a Child's point of view. I'd suggest thoroughly reading the contest criteria and having another crack at it. This seems like it was written before the competition.
Oh crap, i completely forgot about the not poet part. Please forgive me on that, i'll retry.
600 words goes by quickly! 600 words according to MS Word. This is my first short story in English. Enjoy!

Unseen Signs

The alarms were ringing, again. It was the second time this week. Even Mr. Rossignol, the teacher, seemed annoyed. The group quietly stood up and exited the classroom.

Evacuation drills had become more and more common in the past months. It all started with a visit from a military man. Justin said the man was a marine, because his uniform was the same as his dad’s. The marine spent a whole day with us. He taught us principles of survival and evasion. We spent an afternoon practicing crawling in the soccer field. He must have liked our group a lot because he looked very sad when he left. After his visit, the physical education classes were replaced with sprinting, and games of hide-and-seek. That was fun, I was not very good at finding people, but I rocked at not being found. We had a family meeting about a month after. Mom and dad asked me if I would like it if we moved back to Earth. I had made a lot of friends here so I wasn’t sure I wanted to move again. I wondered why they wanted to move. Both mom and dad had really good jobs here; dad was even on the colony’s administration board. They said we could go back to grandma’s place for a while, and later get our own house. I really missed grandma so I reluctantly said yes. I’m pretty sure my opinion did not matter and they only asked me to be polite; they announced that our flight was already booked and we would be leaving in a month.

This evacuation drill felt different, we usually had them once every two weeks. We fell in ranks and followed the fluorescent arrows on the floor. Dad had explained to me that the school was an old mining administration facility dating from the colonization; some of the underground storage rooms had been refitted to become safe rooms: our current destination. I was staring at the windows when I saw multiple things crash just outside the school: that’s when the panic started. I heard many people yell “They’re here!”, “The Covenant is here!” and “RUN!”. The windows shattered and glass flew, everyone rushed for safety. I got pushed and fell face first on a corner of a locker row. I tried calling for help but couldn’t speak due to the crowd trampling me. As I slipped into unconsciousness, I heard cries for mercy, an alien tongue and shots.

I woke up at night, hurting. My face was stuck to the floor in a pool of my own dried blood. I slowly managed to sit then I saw what happened. There were bodies everywhere, their eyes still open and their faces stuck in an expression of shock. The silence in the corridors was eerie. I was the only one left. I got up and looked out the window.

I saw lights bright as the rising sun to the east; but it was not the sun. It dawned on me: the only thing east from here was the capital city, and it was burning. The Covenant was glassing the only large city on this planet. The breeze that came through the broken windows was warm and sterile, it didn’t carry the scents of the forest and the fields; it felt like I was breathing ashes.

I had no way of running or calling for help. I could only hope someone would come back to my planet and find me. I lied down and cried. I realized why my parents wanted to move. I hope they are still alive.
This is such a coincidence that I've been working on the exact same prompt for a childs point of view in the human-covenant war just for the enjoyment and I stumbled upon this contest. Awesome. Too bad I can't enter because it's way longer than 600 words but can't wait to see what everyone submits.
This is such a coincidence that I've been working on the exact same prompt for a childs point of view in the human-covenant war just for the enjoyment and I stumbled upon this contest. Awesome. Too bad I can't enter because it's way longer than 600 words but can't wait to see what everyone submits.
Dude,just make it shorter.It's okay if you can't but it is highly encouraged.
It was only late in the morning, perhaps early in the evening, when Dani had decided to wander out into the outer hedge of his village to fetch some water.

He jogged down the dirt road, something he had grown accustomed to, waving vague salutations to the passer-byers, balancing a large, iron bucket on his small head. This act was not necessarily expected of him, but more of a personal obligation he held for his sick friend. It was all he could attach himself to in an Outer Colony, what kept him busy in the longer parts of the day.

This sick friend was, as no one would guess, his pet dog: an old hound, one Dani himself had found sleeping in a ditch several years prior. The two became friends, looked out for each other, and were their only family. But his dog was always numb now, there was a distinct lack of energy in her barking, and she needed some water. This was a motivation in and of itself. And so, as it ever occurred over the course of seven months, Dani would do all he could to ensure the good health of his friend.

But when a day is darkened and the parting clouds above carry an intimidating premonition, who would be there to stop him from going into the forest by himself? In short, he was also to take care of himself. The boy and the dog exclusively looked out for each other.

This day was different. When Dani trudged over the grassy dike which connected back to the village, something indeed had happened. It was like an earthquake came to life, spreading its tremors beyond the mountain range; the red sun was gone now, replaced by a bulbous black shadow in the sky, so great and strange was this oddity that Dani had accidently dropped the bucket in his stupor. The birds no longer flew, the forest behind him had gone silent, and a grey fog enveloped the village in the distance. In what felt like an instant the blue sky subsumed with the foreign, hovering shadow, and now all was seemingly pitch black.

In a state of dubious curiosity and despair he ran as fast as he dared back to the village, still dragging the bucket along with him. It still carried a little bit of water; he had hoped that would be okay.

The profound juxtaposition hit immediately: previously all was dead silent as the alien mass in the sky hovered ominously, but when very strange figures spewed out from under, carrying out vibrant, purple glows, an explosion of screaming erupted. Exclamation arose on all sides.

When Dani had returned to his village there was no one to be seen; a few passing figures flashed in his peripherals, momentarily frightening the boy, but he willed himself to run faster. The dust thickened all about, the purple lights wavered back in forth far ahead and far behind, eliciting screams of terror before the noises went still.

Much to his joy he had found his dog, who weakly limped towards the boy. Dani rushed with the dog to hide under a patch of rubble, hugging her to calm himself. Crackles of fire began to sound, strange voices gurgled sharply, and then… gunfire. It was almost a vein attempt to seek safety, unfortunately, as he observed the strange, cold figure in front of the rubble, who slowly turned its head towards him. But suddenly, much to his shock, like he had read in papers before, as close to a myth, the green robots stepped into view.

600 words
-The Little Things-591 Words

“Mom, Mom, Mom!”
“What Annie?” Sherri quickly asked
“Amya is going to the creek, can I go? Please mom” I pleaded
“I suppose so” Sherri said with a sigh
“Yes! Thank you, love you mom” running out the door.
“Love you too sweetie” I barely heard her

Running onto the front porch, I was immediately frozen. All the neighbors had gathered looking to the sky. Something miles long was floating in the sky. Almost blacking out the sun, just before I could tell mom. Hundreds of small black dot started to swarm. Seeing one come flying towards me, it got larger. A small house sized purple ship stopped over our street. Larger human like creatures jumped out and onto the street. I ran back into the house as they attack people with alien weapons.

“Mom! Come here”
No response.
“Mom!” I scream out of fear

I turn back towards the door, one is coming my way. Quickly I jump behind the couch. What seems to be an eternity waited, I succumb to my urges to look. As I peek only the slightest bit, I see it raise its gun aimed at me only an arm's length away. I jolt back down as hot projectiles rip through my cover. I act so fast I run past it and into the bathroom. The door slams shut, my arm is burning up. I look down to see a hole in my arm. Frantically I grab a towel and wrap my it. Then I realized. The door comes crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. In a daze I make a dash for the window. Falling to the concrete below, i immediately take cover behind our grill as the monster rains fire down on me.
Soon as it stopped I ran for the road only to be stopped in horror.

They were everywhere killing all in their wake. Blue fire engulfed the houses as they shot down the people I knew. I changed direction towards my garden thinking I can hide there. Leaping down the porch steps, I take off a fast as i can push myself. Looking back to see that tall red armored monster gaining on me. Not seeing my way I'm tripped. What I find horrifies my eyes. Through the tears i see my mother's body motionless. Smoke rising from the holes left in her back. No more can I stand to see her, I make a break to the fence. Climbing fast and falling to the dampened leafy floor. I not only feel a sharp pain in my stomach but also in my hand. Feeling my stomach I find my index finger is gone and there is a sharp stick impaled through me.

“You must find help” I tell myself with a crack in my voice.

A run down garage in the distance “Hope” I whisper. I look through the open door to find not one but three small little ghouls searching for something. One leaves out through the front. In a rage I muster what strength I have left. Running around the side of the garage, grabbing a heavy dead branch. I charge the little beast. Stopped suddenly hearing a zapping noise, my head drops looking down to find a blue pulsing sword has cut through. With the last of my life I look to the smoky sky, the sun poking through. I think to myself, Nothing but the little things in life will I miss most. As I draw my last breath everything goes white from the darkest depths of the smoke.
Some interesting entries so far.

Remember, folks, this closes September 10th 2016, 23.59 Pacific Time. So get writing.
this is a first person view story of a six year old.

Alone.

"Charlie run!" Mommy cried, she sounded different. What was wrong? Was mommy ok? "Go now!" She screamed. I took her hand and we ran. There were fishes in the air and flying ghosts, I saw people sleeping everywhere. I held mommies hand tight as she ran fast. I saw all kinds of things like running cones and tall birdies, wait... why were the cones and birdies hurting people? I saw my friends sleeping too... we kept running when a big buggy took mommy away.
"MOMMY NO!" I cried

"Run" she said. I did, I ran fast. I went to the park and hid in a plant. Crying the whole time as I watched the cones, birdies, and Dino's all hurting people. Why were they being bullies? They were mean... why did the buggy take mommy.... why... why did they do it... I kept crying... a birdie found me, it tweeted and they were gonna hurt me. I grabbed a stick and hit the mean birdie in the head and ran more... I ran and ran but tripped when running from the cones. Then I saw a Dino with a sword. It looked at me but didn't look both ways as mommy said to do so it got hit with a truck. I still ran. I went to the woods, it was dark and scary... I didn't like the dark... why did this happen, why are they so mean.

"Why did they take mommy!" I screamed. I sat down at a tree, and I cried... I heard a crack behind me and turned to see more cones. They squeaked and sounded so cute but when they saw me they grabbed me. It hurt, the pain was awful and I screamed as they punched, kicked, and cut me over and over. I felt like I was an action figure when I took the arms off... I kept crying and screaming for mommy, for the pain to stop. I heard another noise, it was a red dinosaur with a sword. I grabbed me... I saw a light, I could see mommy, and the pain was gone...

If I counted right I used 366 out of the 600 word limit.
Crevice to the East

WINTER CONTINGENCY was declared.

“Emile!” Jamie barked. “Go get in the car. Here, take your knife. Quickly!”

Emile took his birthday present and ran to the car out front. Jamie quickly followed. He turned manual drive on, and quickly drove the car to the interstate. Emile could see above the skyline of Luxor that alien vessels had descended above the city and began raining down sun-bright beams onto buildings.

“-Yoink-,” Jamie said. “They must have slipped right pass our defenses.”

“Our side of the planet didn’t have many to begin with,” Emile said matter-of-factly, calm despite the danger. Jamie would protect him.

They arrived at the space port, but were too late. The aliens had sped here in wish bone shaped dropships, called “Spirits” according to Jamie. Luxor’s Police Department and the planet’s stationed UNSC troopers were fighting off the aliens the best they could. Civilians were scurrying onto the evacuation vessels.

When Jamie neared the civilian evacuation area, their car was taken over by automated programs and taken to a secure station. Jamie and Emile were cleared for priority access due to Jamie’s position in the Marine Corps.

“If you will follow me quickly, sir,” an Army trooper said, escorting them to the nearest civilian transport.

Suddenly, several large explosions erupted nearby. Emile looked to his right and saw that a whole platoon of troopers and group of civilians had been taken out by two large bright blue flashes. The surrounding people were caught on fire from the heat. Two tall aliens rushed towards Emile’s group.

“Get on the transport!” Jamie ordered Emile and the others. “Go! I’ll hold them off!” He pushed Emile, M6D drawn, and together with the trooper fired upon the two aliens. One fell quickly from a headshot from Jamie, but the other simply shrugged the rounds off with its shields and drew out a glowing sword. The alien rushed the trooper and decapitated him in one swing. Jamie fired a whole fresh clip into the alien, bringing its shields down, but didn’t get a chance to finish the job. Emile watched in horror as the golden alien stabbed Jamie in the abdomen, lifting him up off his feet. Jamie fell limp to the ground.

Emile, kukri in hand, ran in rage towards the looming alien. The alien didn’t expect such a small creature with so much bravery to face him up close. As such, it yelled in agony as Emile drove the sharp curved blade into its knee, crippling it to the ground. The sword fell out of its hand, and deactivated after a second’s pause. Emile immediately stabbed it in the neck and sliced vertically upwards, letting the alien bleed out rapidly.

Emile was shaking all over from shock, and ran to his older brother. Jamie looked up at him, barely holding on to his life.

“Emile,” he coughed and took Emile’s hand. “Don’t cry…..run…..get to safety…..” He was trailing off.

“Crevice to the east……,” Jamie muttered.

Jamie stopped breathing, staring at Emile. More troopers arrived in the scene, firing their weapons and deploying small flying drones to push back the aliens. All Emile could feel was a deep void forming in his heart. A trooper picked him up and carried him to the transport, shocked at the damage Emile had caused with his kukri.

The transport Emile was on lifted off and flew away from the city, evacuating into slipspace once they had left Eridanus II’s atmosphere. Emile swore revenge on the aliens and would do everything in his power to avenge his brother’s death; along with anyone else close to him.
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Exactly 600 words, according to MS Word.

Sincerely,
p1ay4OURFUN
Crevice to the East

WINTER CONTINGENCY was declared.

“Emile!” Jamie barked. “Go get in the car. Here, take your knife. Quickly!”

Emile took his birthday present and ran to the car out front. Jamie quickly followed. He turned manual drive on, and quickly drove the car to the interstate. Emile could see above the skyline of Luxor that alien vessels had descended above the city and began raining down sun-bright beams onto buildings.

“-Yoink-,” Jamie said. “They must have slipped right pass our defenses.”

“Our side of the planet didn’t have many to begin with,” Emile said matter-of-factly, calm despite the danger. Jamie would protect him.

They arrived at the space port, but were too late. The aliens had sped here in wish bone shaped dropships, called “Spirits” according to Jamie. Luxor’s Police Department and the planet’s stationed UNSC troopers were fighting off the aliens the best they could. Civilians were scurrying onto the evacuation vessels.

When Jamie neared the civilian evacuation area, their car was taken over by automated programs and taken to a secure station. Jamie and Emile were cleared for priority access due to Jamie’s position in the Marine Corps.

“If you will follow me quickly, sir,” an Army trooper said, escorting them to the nearest civilian transport.

Suddenly, several large explosions erupted nearby. Emile looked to his right and saw that a whole platoon of troopers and group of civilians had been taken out by two large bright blue flashes. The surrounding people were caught on fire from the heat. Two tall aliens rushed towards Emile’s group.

“Get on the transport!” Jamie ordered Emile and the others. “Go! I’ll hold them off!” He pushed Emile, M6D drawn, and together with the trooper fired upon the two aliens. One fell quickly from a headshot from Jamie, but the other simply shrugged the rounds off with its shields and drew out a glowing sword. The alien rushed the trooper and decapitated him in one swing. Jamie fired a whole fresh clip into the alien, bringing its shields down, but didn’t get a chance to finish the job. Emile watched in horror as the golden alien stabbed Jamie in the abdomen, lifting him up off his feet. Jamie fell limp to the ground.

Emile, kukri in hand, ran in rage towards the looming alien. The alien didn’t expect such a small creature with so much bravery to face him up close. As such, it yelled in agony as Emile drove the sharp curved blade into its knee, crippling it to the ground. The sword fell out of its hand, and deactivated after a second’s pause. Emile immediately stabbed it in the neck and sliced vertically upwards, letting the alien bleed out rapidly.

Emile was shaking all over from shock, and ran to his older brother. Jamie looked up at him, barely holding on to his life.

“Emile,” he coughed and took Emile’s hand. “Don’t cry…..run…..get to safety…..” He was trailing off.

“Crevice to the east……,” Jamie muttered.

Jamie stopped breathing, staring at Emile. More troopers arrived in the scene, firing their weapons and deploying small flying drones to push back the aliens. All Emile could feel was a deep void forming in his heart. A trooper picked him up and carried him to the transport, shocked at the damage Emile had caused with his kukri.

The transport Emile was on lifted off and flew away from the city, evacuating into slipspace once they had left Eridanus II’s atmosphere. Emile swore revenge on the aliens and would do everything in his power to avenge his brother’s death; along with anyone else close to him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exactly 600 words, according to MS Word.

Sincerely,
p1ay4OURFUN
Nice effort. However, the criteria explicitly states no Spartan perspectives. Please edit and re-submit.
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