Dear god, this guy is gonna die the worst death of the entire Human Covenant War. Shot by plasma...nah. Suffocation from being sucked into space...eh. Stabbed through stomach from energy sword...I wish. Nope, this guy is legendary, taking years of torture for the cause :D!Flugel Meister wrote:Name: Jacob Olmos
Service #: S-123
Unit: 2nd Division, 3rd Pie Battalion
Primary Military Specialization: Eating all the pies
Enlistment Date: Mind your own damn business
Location: He could tell you but then he'd have to kill himself first and then you.
Gender: Steak and Kidney
Birthplace: Melton Mowbray
Birth Date: Some time ago.
Performance: Distinctly average. Okay, that was optimistic.
Comments: Jacob is a proficient digester of food and has a long history of battling obesity, heart disease, Type-2 diabetes and gout. His team mates often underestimate his ability to reduce a planet's provisions to just a dozen or so rations in a matter of days. In fact, the initial invasion of Arcadia by the Covenant was called off because he'd consumed the Covenant's entire food nipple stockpile prior to the invasion. It took the fleet at least 18 months to recover. By that time the UNSC had reinforced Jacob's stomach lining, and thrown in a platoon of Marines for good measure. Arcadia was invaded a second time when no one was looking.
Several Commanding Officers have spoken highly of Jacob's actions in the early days of the war, before he had encountered the delight that is the 'pork pie'. When not consuming the mess hall's complement of food, Jacob can be found drafting wonderful poetry for his beautiful Russian bride. The poetry also includes the access code to his monthly salary.
NOTES:Spartan's choice of equipment: Knife and fork. Occasionally uses a spoon.
Some of your Spartans previous engagements: More than 61 previous engagements in the Mess Hall, including the notorious breakfast battle of 42.
Current Operation: Engaged in efforts to satisfy his own hunger. So nothing new.
Notable Relations: He has a cool uncle. But due to a lack of forethought on my part - stemming from a lack of made up info - I'm not telling you.*New* Service Commendations: Purple Pie, Three Buckets, gold spoon, Silver spoon, bronze spoon.*New* UNSC Tenure/Years of active duty: Not sure, His memory is frankly quite terrible.*New* Letters of recommendation from previous commanders: Get this piece of -Yoink- off my boat! - Captain Miranda Keyes.
Inspired by my own ferocious appetite.
By any chance, is he related to Dexter Grif?