Spartan Company


Fireteam Juan

Fireteam Juan

We are number Juan.

Leader

2 Members

Est. 11/19/2015

With Juan as our almighty deity and guide to all action, we unite as Fireteam Juan in our ultimate quest to spread awareness of racism. Only a few know the amazing story of Juan, and although he is no longer with us, he guides all our daily actions in spirit. Juan was a fearless man-beast who lived over one thousand years ago- a time when dinosaurs ruled the earth and electricity had just been discovered. Juan's mother was a spirit guide for the Mohikans, an ancient nomadic tribe living in the lower region of the Netherlands. Being the spirit guide of the tribe in the year 1010 CE, she had to perform the "celestial anti-sacrifice", a Mohikan ritual, whereby the tribe's sprit guide would not perform a traditional sacrifice, but instead sacrifice their own body to that of a willing beast. The sacrifice of her body is not to death, but to the flesh of the beast, therefore giving herself up to its animalistic impulses. The beast would inseminate the spirit guide in order to give birth to the prophesied man-beast-child who would "relinquish the world of systematic racism." Juan was born approximately 200 years later, just following the events of the Trojan War- a war that forced the Mohikans to migrate south to the regions of southern pacific northwest, but there was nomad person in the tribe about this forced migration. Born in an era of political instability and civil unrest, the beast-child grew up seeing a dark side of humanity. Ying and Yang were constantly fighting over who was black and who was white and why Ying always comes before Yang ever time Ying and Yang are mentioned; why can't they ever say Yang and Ying? He knew the foundation of society was shaken and breakin' and something must be done. Fighting against the top UFC fighters in the world, Juan became a talented swordsman and lead the Mohikans to many victories in battle. Confusing Russia for his home country, Juan prided himself on his agility and speed, saying "You know I'll get there fast, because I'm always Russian." In addition to his whit, it was said that Juan had the courage and strength of 10,000 men. He proved this when he went back to the upper Nether-regions in 2 BCE. After defeating Achilles, The Heels had taken control of the Netherlands following the Trojan War. With nothing but a tooth and nail gun, Juan defeated the entire Heel nation army and freed the enslaved population. One of the liberated slaves told Juan, "You are truly our hero. We will worship you, man-beast, for as long as we live." Any emperor at the time would have gladly accepted such an offer, but Juan told simply told him "No. I am not above you. We are equal. I am free. So you are free.", and walked away. It was a moment that completely changed society forever. Unfortunately, the liberated slaves had been exposed to Juan's rampant Hepatitis B and died a few days later. From then on, the Mohikans have worshipped Juan as their deity just as we do today. About 30 years before the Trojan War, right before Juan passed away, Juan made a public statement to the children of his tribe, saying "Alright listen you idiots. Stop being so mean and sensitive at the same time. Just be nice to each other. That's how we can all get along. Quit being so stupid." And he never spoke again. And that is why we are Fireteam Juan.

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